Pokémon Black and White introduced players to a fifth production of Pokémon, bringing the whole number of pocket monsters to just under a billion. With so many Pokémon available, how is a trainer supposed to learn which ones would be the best? Simple: I’m going to let you know which ones would be the very best. So grab a pen and some paper — you’re going to need to take notes.

I am obviously a Pokémon expert, as evident with my stunning analysis of some of the new Pokémon from the Black and White. But because I’ve yet to play Version 2, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to offer me his selections of the best Generation V Pokémon, so I would offer my professional assessment of them on your edification. However, it didn’t take me long to realize that his picks are horrible, so after analyzing his pitiful lineup, I am also supplying what are obviously the real best Gen V Pokémon.

Pignite

Kyle told me Tepig was his rookie Pokémon, so I am guessing he believes Pignite is awesome due to his own ridiculous, sentimental attachment. There are two problems with this. First, Oshawott is obviously the best beginning Pokémon out of B&W (though Tepig remains better than that snooty jerkbag Snivy). Second, why can he select Pignite and not Emboar? He probably wasn’t good enough to evolve his Pignite into its final shape. No matter Pignite is still fairly good.

I made fun of Watchog in my previous analysis — specifically, I questioned just how good of a lookout Watchog could be when he got captured by a coach at the first location.read about it pokemon white 2 patched rom from Our Articles Notably Kyle! Watchog does seem unbelievably pissed off, however, so he can probably bully weenie Pokémon like Deerling.

I am seriously beginning to question Kyle’s Pokémon-choosing abilities. Herdier isn’t even a Pokémon. He’s a Scottish Terrier. Guess what happens if you try and make a couple of Scottish Terriers battle each other? I’m calling the ASPCA, Kyle!
Official Pokémon Rating: N/A
Official Dog Rating: two

Tirtouga

Tirtouga ends up better than most of Kyle’s choices, but I must question: Why do we want another turtle Pokémon once we’ve already obtained Squirtle? I get this Tirtouga really is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still seems like he is horning in on Squirtle’s match, and Squirtle is straight up O.G. — that I wouldn’t mess together.
Official Pokémon Rating: 6 (Squirtle’s Official Pokémon Rating: 10)

Musharna

Kyle obviously didn’t read my previous Pokémon analysis, because Musharna is another disturbing selection I already took to task. Here is what I wrote previously:

«My God, that Pokémon is still a fetus! What type of sicko is going to earn a fetus fight?»

Clearly we finally have the response: Kyle is that type of sicko.

Coming Up Next: Longer poor choices by Kyle…

Solosis

What is with Kyle’s obsession with Pokémon who haven’t had a opportunity to fully kind yet? Solosis remains tacky, for crying out loud. I think that it’s clear what is happening here: Kyle isn’t very good at Pokémon, so that he picks the smallest creatures he can find in order to have a justification when he loses. In that way, Solosis is a wonderful option.

Yamask? More like Yakiddingme? This Pokémon’s whole persona is built around its mask, which it only holds with its tail. What do Yamasks do with their own masks? According to the Pokédex,»Occasionally they look at it and shout.» That really doesn’t seem helpful whatsoever! Yamasks are much worse than their evolved form, Cofagrigus, which most of us know is only a sarcophagus with wacky arms and legs.

I have absolutely no problem with this choice.

Apparently, Deino believes he’s a part of The Beatles. I never thought I would sort this sentence, yet this dragon needs to receive a haircut. However, a mop-top dragon remains technically a warrior, which he has that going for him. Additionally, Deino is a Dark/Dragon hybrid, which is far better compared to a Rainbow/Dragon hybridvehicle, or Candycorn/Dragon hybrid, or whatever other stupid Pokémon types there are. However, Deino can finally evolve into Hydreigon, in which stage his front legs become two more heads.

Hey, what do you know? Kyle finally picked a cool Pokémon! Granted, a blindfolded monkey could have chosen better Pokémon than my fellow editor did, but this selection (almost) makes up for it. Beartic is classified as a Freezing Pokémon, who’s actually made from icehockey, and his degree one skill is named Superpower. That’s appropriate, Beartic begins with Superpower.

More than anything else, I’m simply impressed that Kyle did not select Beartic’s unevolved type, Cubchoo (the snot-dripping teddy on the best ).
Official Pokémon Rating: 9

Now that we have endured through Kyle’s horrendous selections, let us take a look at what are really the very best Pokémon of White and Black Model 2, as picked by a professional…

The Actual Greatest Pokémon:

Samurott

I wasn’t kidding when I said Oshawott was the clear choice for a beginning Pokémon, also Samurott is the reason why. Oshawott’s goofy seashell (which kind of looks like a wang to me) even evolves into amazing Shell Armor, and judging from Samurott’s pecs, that Pokémon is now torn. Need further proof? Samurott’s species is listed as Formidable Pokémon.

He’s got an Elvis-like coif, a barbed tail that he strikes his rivals with, and big, funny monkey ears. In addition, he has an ability called gluttony — just like Kevin Spacey in Seven. Simisage is really cool that he’s offering himself the thumbs-up, which is well deserved.

I’m pretty certain Gurdurr is your most powerful Pokémon in all of Pokéworld. Additionally, it’s holding a slip beam over its own head! Look at all of its bulging muscles — Gurdurr is so powerful it is kind of gross. If you need more evidence, the Pokédex clarifies Gurdurr as follows:

«This Pokémon is so muscle and strongly built that a bunch of wrestlers couldn’t make it budge an inch»

Let us find out your Musharna stand around this, Kyle.

I didn’t even know Pokémon wear clothes, however Throh is wearing a gi, and he’s a black belt . Much like Gurdurr, Throh is additionally a straight-up Fighting-type Pokémon, along with his species is Judo Pokémon. Throhs are so strong they do not even evolve — that’s right, not even evolution can improve them.

Like I said, I have absolutely no problem with this choice. Minccino is adorable!

Coming Up Next: Five More Amazing Pokémon…

Darmanitan

Here’s another heavy hitter that Kyle completely passed up. Darmanitan is categorized as a Blazing Pokémon, that explains why its curls are on fire. Like a flame ape isn’t scary enough, here’s Darmanitan’s Pokédex description:

«Its internal fire burns 2,500º F, making enough power that it may ruin a dump truck with a single punch.»

2,500º F would be the melting point of steel. Steel. Not the Terminator can withstand molten steel! Now that’s a Pokémon!

If you ever ran to a Galvantula, then you may just dismiss it like a semi-creepy bug. It could be the last mistake you ever make; when you turned round, it could shoot electric webs out of its fangs to jolt you into submission. Then it would eat you. Don’t think me that Nintendo would accept this kind of sinister Pokémon? To the Pokédex entrance:

«They employ an electrically charged web to snare their prey. While it’s trapped by shock, they leisurely consume it»

Notice, Galvantula does not just absorb its electrified foes — it leisurely consumes them, like it’s no big thing. A Xenomorph would shudder and run off from among these things.

Let us be honest: Golurk is essentially The Iron Giant, by that 1 picture whose name I can’t remember. It may not be that original, but that does not make Golurk any less badass. Golurk is categorized as a Automaton Pokémon — for those who don’t know,»Automaton» is Latin for»Giant robot which destroys everything in its path.» Its Pokédex entry makes it sound cooler:

«It blows across the sky at Mach speeds. Taking away the seal onto its torso makes its internal energy head out of hands .»

So essentially Golurk is a giant bomb that travels faster than the speed of sound. What of Kyle’s Pokémon wants to go up against that?

This robot insect may not look as scary as some of the other Pokémon with this list, but he’s got quite the backstory. Genesect is a Paleozoic Pokémon which was originally dwelling 300 million decades back, when it was»feared as the most powerful of hunters,» in accordance with the Pokédex. Subsequently it was resurrected by Team Plasma, making it much stronger by adding a cannon to the back. Quick side note: should you ever decide to use science to resurrect an ancient being dreaded because of its unparalleled searching skills, do not provide this kind of cannon.

Predictably, Genesect broke from the lab and has never been seen again. To make things worse, its cannon could be outfitted with four distinct drives, endowing it with the forces of all four different types of regular Pokémon.

No one knows the story behind Genesect’s name; lovers believe it means»genesis bug» or»genetic insect» I have my own concept: In Japanese, this terrifying creature is actually called Genosect — I’m guessing the true significance of its name is»genocide insect»
Official Pokémon Rating: Genocide Bug

Thundurus

There is not much to say, besides that Thundurus ain’t screwing around. Thundurus is a renowned Pokémon, and can be classified as a Bolt Strike Pokémon. . .Okay, I do not understand about that last one, but the others are pretty cool.